The absolute best thing I did for myself postpartum

It was around the 4th day after I gave birth to my youngest. I handed my newborn to my husband, made a hot cup of tea, bundled myself in a jacket and walked outside. There is not much I really remember from the early postpartum days, but I remember this day. It was a brisk cold, but sunny day. I took myself to the middle of the grass that was outside, covered in sunshine, and laid down. I put on some emo music via my phone then sprawled in the sun.

It was then I began to weep. I wept hard, loudly, and long. I spoke to my body telling her how proud I was of her, I acknowledged the process of growth and birth, and I welcomed the release of grief, the trembles of trauma, and entrance of joy. I curled up in a ball under that sunshine and while laying on the grass, in pure power as tears streamed down my face.

This was single handedly one of the best things I did for myself postpartum.

When I felt ready, I stood up, I smiled, I picked up my empty cup of tea, and walked back inside. My husband gave me a kiss, checked in that I was ready to be back, and I folded back into the home.

Later that evening my husband shared with me that my mother-in-law had looked out the window and saw me laying on the grass. She asked my husband if I was okay, and he replied lightly “yep she is just having a cry.” He understood it was my process, he respected that I needed it, and knew it was a ritual of acknowledgement into the journey of motherhood, a beginning of matrescence. I loved his nonchalant response and simple check-in with me when I came back inside. A lovingly supportive, non-intrusive nod.

Some people might refer to this as the “baby blues” but I think that steals away the significance and meaning of this time.

Around day 3 – 4 after a woman gives birth, there is an incredible drop in hormones. It is one of the greatest and most sudden shifts in hormones that a human will experience. This is part of the transition for a woman to a mother. This drop in hormones brings on an incredible surge of emotions that is often tearful and tender. So instead of being afraid or labeling it as the blues, it feels like a beautiful time to welcome and acknowledge.

I believe also if we really shared with women what is happening for them during this little window of time, and the calling that their body is asking for acknowledgement and release , that perhaps it would be more welcomed as a time to honor and celebrate rather than be the “blues.”

It was single handedly one of the best things I did for myself postpartum, and I hope that more space and permission is given for birthing women to use the time as transition.