Finding new ways to be proud of myself in mothering

I ask you to bear with me through this share. I am just coming to make sense of something in my own mind, that I wanted to share with you, but it’s not fully formed yet. So much of our mothering seems to be predicated on the success or wellness of the child. I think this is a difficult setup though, because what I see and have felt is that if something happens to your child whether minor or major, the first guilt, the first questions are about the parents. Or in the opposite, when a child achieves something awesome, a parent feels proud of themselves in how they’ve raised their child. 

I’m not sure I have this fully worked out in my head but stay with me a bit. I want to find ways and spaces to be proud of myself as a mother that are actually independent of my children. Seems a little ironic or I’m sure there is a fancy word for it, but the idea that I am a mother because of my children and yet I want to be able to be proud of it separate of them and their doings. 

This came to me the other night. My youngest was sick, and in the middle of the night she was moaning with pain and discomfort. I noticed how calm my body was, how able I was to be attentive to her, I held her warm face in my hands, rubbed her tummy, and was there for her in the middle of the night. I felt proud of myself as a mother. Not because she was having any sudden improvements in health or anything, but because I was proud of how I mothered. I was proud of how I was able to mother in a way that felt good to me.

Now this seems like a small example, but it got me thinking…how could we alleviate ourselves of guilt, shame, and pressure if we simply allowed ourselves to be proud of the way mother, irrespective of our children? Where is the balance between our mothering “success” being based on how our children “turn out” and our mothering “success” being about how we feel we did as a mother.

Is this making sense to you?

I’ve been playing this through my mind, and trying to notice and find more spaces where I’m proud of my mothering, just for me. And while I think how I view my mothering may always have reflections of my children, I too am looking to balance that with self-assessments of how I think I am doing.

❤️

I hope this week you too can find spaces to be proud of your mothering that are just for you. If you haven’t heard it recently…you are an amazing mother, and can you also go tell another mother that she is amazing too!